Singer Kehlani has shared that it was actually a Google Doc that helped them figure out her sexuality before she came out as a lesbian. Yes, really.
The Grammy-nominated artist, who has been open about their sexuality and gender identity journey in the past, cleared up speculation in April 2021 after uploading a TikTok confirming they were “gay gay gay”.
As well as being an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights and incorporating those themes in her music, it seems Kehlani was not immune to the viral mid-2010s Google Doc, dubbed “the lesbian masterdoc”.
Speaking on Jake Paul and Mike Majlak’s podcast IMPAULSIVE about dating men, she said: “I quite frankly just thought maybe I was like, somehow broken.
“And the ability to dissociate in a relationship and during sex and with connection, I thought maybe I had been through too much or I wasn’t meeting the right people, I kept trying.”
After her therapist suggested that she might be “gay” rather than bisexual, Kehlani was sent a Google Doc titled Am I A Lesbian?
The document explains compulsory heterosexuality, which as explained by Kehlani is “how society has influenced so much heteronormativity. A lot of us, especially women and femme-presenting people struggle with even knowing if that is our actual sexual orientation”.
It then lays out several ways in which lesbians fall victim to compulsory heterosexuality by convincing themselves to pursue relationships with men, with the aim of helping women understand their true sexuality.
Examples include if you have only ever had crushes on unattainable fictional or famous men, confusing feelings of friendship and romance, and dreading the idea of building a future with a man.
“I read the f**k out of this Google Doc,” Kehlani continued, “and when I had to sit and analyse why I was still dating men, none of it had to do with being in love. None of it had to do with these feelings that I am supposed to feel and love and care and deep emotion.”
She explained she had always fallen into the idea of following the relationship models she had seen, and tried to recreate the “white picket fence mom and dad” ideal.
“As soon as I said, ‘I’m not doing that anymore’, I came out. My relationships and my ability to feel deeply for anybody I was romantically with was like, ‘oh I have been missing this my whole life.’”
While Kehlani clarified she has had girlfriends in the past, “once I completely accepted myself these floodgates opened.”
And she reflected on what she loves about women, saying: “It is the softness, attentiveness, care, a deeper understanding of life. Two women being able to share that experience together I feel is like a mind warp of what love is.”